Are you estranged from your family or considering estrangement?
Family is important to you but you’re having trouble maintaining a connection with them. You’ve put in so much effort but there’s always something unsatisfying about your interactions.
Maybe you’re wondering:
- Should I spend less time with my family?
- Should I set a boundary to protect myself?
- Is there any chance that things could get better?
Something needs to change if you’re going to stay connected.
Or, you’ve already cut off your family, and you feel a mix of relief and guilt. You know you needed to make this decision to protect yourself, but you also long for a connection. You have a small, guarded hope that maybe the other person could change.
You’re not alone. Estrangement from adult families is on the rise.
Estrangement is when you consciously (or sometimes unconsciously) decide to put emotional and/or physical distance between you and your family.
But it’s not a simple, black-and-white issue. Estrangement actually exists on a spectrum and develops over time. It will often change over time.
Here are some of the ways it can look:
- Only communicating via email
- Not allowing conversations about emotions or about the past
- Moving farther away so they can no longer visit
- Cutting off parents’ access to your children
- Only talking once a year
Estrangement is complex and may include elements of physically cutting off, emotionally cutting off, or even legally cutting off your family.
It takes time to develop.
For many people, the problem goes back years but you’re starting to recognize it now. Maybe you’ve been doing your own therapy and recognizing old family patterns that are impacting you. You’re realizing that there’s always been something missing in the relationship: it’s always been one-sided, or you’ve been neglected, or you had to put their needs first.
Adults end up estranged from their families for various reasons – from deep-seated family secrets to clashes in values. Often times, there is a clash between generations: the 30-something Millennial generation has been doing individual therapy and learning about setting boundaries to protect themselves from toxic behaviors. But their parents have never heard of such a thing: not only can they not imagine cutting off a family member, but they have no idea what they did that was so bad.
Family therapy is the starting place to engage in difficult conversations with your family – in a safe and contained space that’s moderated by an Emotions Professional.
Common Questions About Family Therapy
Q: I want to work on my relationship with my parent/sibling/etc., but what if they respond poorly?
As a family therapist, my job is to create the safest and best environment to make reconnection possible for everyone. I will attend to everyone’s emotional needs to gently uncover the blocks that keep you walled off from each other. I am a skilled facilitator who knows how to guide conversations toward growth and unstick stubborn points.
That said, I cannot guarantee how everyone will respond. It is very possible that your family members will respond poorly. It’s possible that they won’t be open to the changes that you ask of them. For this reason, I always encourage you to think about this possibility ahead of time. What emotions will come up for you if your family responds poorly? What would it mean for you moving forward?
I will work with you to make sure you are emotionally prepared for all outcomes of family therapy.
Q: Whose side are you going to be on?
You will probably hear me say this a lot: I am on the side of the relationship. As a family therapist, my role is to see everyone’s perspectives. I am always holding the bigger picture of how each person is impacting the relationship and what each person can do differently to repair the relationship.
Q: I have another question.
Great! I can answer more of your questions during our consultation. Click here to schedule a free consultation call.